Counting My Blessings......

11/7/12--Wednesday--Day 25--Understanding
This morning I woke up feeling very grateful.  I realized that without my amazing doctor in Safford, everything could have gone undetected and grown to a stage that would have made my treatment options much worse. How many doctors have said, "well, let's watch it and see if it changes."  Instead, my doctor took even the smallest lump seriously, settled for nothing less than the absolute answers through thorough testing, and because of that, I am in the early stages of cancer rather than the later stages.

My mom has been with me through this as well.  The feeling I had inside, that little twitch, the voice telling me to feel for something I honestly believe was my mother.  I believe she spoke to me that morning on Oct. 14 sitting at my vanity and planted that seed in my mind, that desire to feel something that was barely there.  And I believe she has been watching out for me ever since.  When I called my doctor who it takes months to see, but I was able to get in the very next day.  When the surgeon's schedule was completely booked for the week, but they found a way to squeeze me in the very next day.  When all of my fears of losing my breast were minimized to a lumpectomy because of early detection.  I know she is my guardian angel and fighting like crazy for me as I face this challenge.  And I know she is proud of me and has faith in me that I can beat this.

I am also blessed to have amazing friends who have showered me with support.  Today Trina flew to Arizona.  She had an opportunity to come, and even though the surgery won't be right now, she knew I needed a friend.  I have been strong for everyone else, but I am scared.  Even though the diagnosis is better than we first thought, it is still cancer, and it is still growing inside of me, and I still am facing surgery, radiation, and a light version of chemo.  Trina has been through cancer with her dad and is now going through it with her mom.  She has lived a nightmare much worse than what I am facing.  Her strength, support and love means the world to me and I'm so glad she is here, even for a few short days.

I am also thankful for my children. Brooklyn flew in early for her fall break with Trina so she could be here to support me.  Having her home is going to be wonderful.  I've missed her a ton and just feeling her with me has made this day much better.   Preston has let us stay at his apartment and take his bed night after night.  He has been great to talk to and lean on and I know he will continue to there to help us.

Tonight I am in Cottonwood with my dad, Brooklyn, and Trina.  There was a Hospice Memorial where my mom and others were honored.  I am so blessed that the timing worked out so that Brooklyn and Trina could both be here with my dad and me.  The program was wonderful and included a candle lighting ceremony set to the most amazing song, Tonight I Hold A Candle.  I know my mom is looking down on me, on us, and she is going to see me through this, protecting me as if she were here holding my hand.  I have so very many blessing to count.