Support From So Many..........

1/2/13--Wednesday--Day 81--T-Minus 5 Days--Together, Let's Kick This Thing

It was two months ago tonight the word cancer entered my life for the first time in a very personal way.  Wow, so much has happened and I've learned so much in these past 61 days.  Tomorrow we travel to Phoenix for another doctor-filled day.  Melissa, Dr. Byrum's assistant, called today.  She said it was ridiculous the schedulers were having me spend the night in Phoenix for pre-op appointments spread over two day, so she juggled schedules and found a way to get me in to see all four doctors tomorrow.  Bless her!  She has turned out to be super caring and amazingly accommodating for us.  She's the one who called last Friday and finalized the surgery details with me as well.  I've been so grateful for her help as well as and Adrianna's, my nurse navigator.

So tomorrow morning we will leave early enough to make it to Mesa for a 12 o'clock appointment with the lymphedema specialist, and then we will see Dr. Schlumbrecht at 1, Dr. Byrum at 2 and Dr. Munoz at 3.  Greg's computer needs a little doctoring too so we have an appointment at the Apple Genius bar at 4:30 and then we are heading to help a friend with an iPhone problem and have dinner.  Most likely we will head back home after that.  Greg usually prefers a late drive home to sleep in his own bed over a night in Phoenix.  We'll see how the day goes.  That is one thing we have learned is to be open to letting our feelings lead our actions after a long day of doctors, so we'll take an overnight bag just in case we decide to crash at Preston's.

I wish tonight was Sunday night and the surgery would be over tomorrow.  Five more days.  It seems like these 81 days have been mostly filled with waiting--well, that and shock.  Hopefully tomorrow and next week won't bring any more shock and the waiting will be over.  It is time to get this thing going.  I'm sure I'll feel that way again in a few weeks as I wait for the next phase--chemo.

Tonight I spent some time reading my last few posts to Greg.  I like reading them out loud to him.  It gives me this surreal feeling like I'm reading someone else's story instead of my own.  He and the kids struggle reading the blog sometimes because it is too real, too close, and brings this to the surface too much.  I'm okay with that.  It is a hard thing to face.  For me the best part of reading the blog is reading and reflecting on the comments people post.  I haven't found the courage to go back and read the blog from the beginning yet.  Maybe I will after surgery when I'm bored stiff for two weeks before I can return to work.  But I do take time to read everyone's comments and words of encouragement from the beginning.  To date, thirty one different people have posted comments, many of them multiple times.  Though this may bore some of you, I want to take a minute and reflect because each and every person reading my blog means something special to me, even the many who don't post comments (so if you get bored, just skip to the next paragraph :).  Stephanie, my secretary, was the only person to first post replies when I started and she has continued to be encouraging and inspiring.  Greg posted next followed by Regina, my former secretary and Jenny, a former co-worker who has continued to post comforting words.  Other former co-workers sharing their thoughts include: Linda and J.T. Cotter, both teachers with whom I taught, my former boss, principal, and mentor John Bonefas and his wife Sue, and my favorite former school secretary, Joyce Johnson and her wonderful husband Del who worked with me as head of maintenance for the district.  Other teachers I still work with, Natalie Reynolds and Mike Green have cheered me on as well.  Five relatives have been kind enough to add words of reassurance:  My dad, of course, a wonderful second cousin, Michael Warren and his wife Ann, another cousin Mary, my Aunt Mary, and my beautiful niece Jennifer.  I have been pleasantly surprised by the amazing reassuring words that have come from some of my former students.  One of my newspaper editors, Vikki--my kiddos always called her Vikki Mouse-- posted along with Darrin one of my first teachers' aides.  Paul, a yearbook student, and most surprising, Sandra, one of my newspaper editors with whom I had lost contact also posted.  Interestingly, her post lead to a reunion between her and another former student of mine, Candy, who works at my doctors' office and has been following my blog.  I loved hearing that story!  Friends have surrounded me with love and have given great hope with post of reassurance including:  Gayrene, our former neighbor, Irene, one of Greg's clients who has become a family friend, Jan Clark who joined my surgery support team, Michelle Lopez, our lake friend, Margarete who has lent an ear to Greg through this, Diane, a friend who touches both Greg's and my heart, Christy and Preston, friends who understand medical challenges, Patty, my ballooning friend, John and Jennifer Campbell, good friends from Tucson who love the lake too, and my best lifetime friend from childhood, Peggy, who has seen me through all of life's challenges.  Finally, there are posts from friends I don't know who have posted in support and understanding which include Ronnie McEuen, a girl from my high school years who is also facing breast cancer now, Kim Buck, a friend through Brooklyn who fought breast cancer 8 years ago and survived, and Kelly, a friend through family who is a nurse and is learning the patient's perspective through my blog.  Besides these 31 supporters who have posted comments, there have been cards, emails, and gifts from co-workers like Linda Hedges and Wanda Evans, both caring teachers with whom I work, Susie Case, my go-to girl who helps with anything, our amazing football friends, Vicki and Henry Day, another former yearbook editor and friend, Shawna Kruger, our best friends' mother Peggy Morris, wonderful current co-workers Carol Elders, Bryan Williams, and Gail Curtis, a caring boss, Dr. Tregaskes, and my amazing local doctor who has been kind enough to let me text her and has been there for me from the beginning.  She is one of my angels.  Childhood friends Paula Eaton who is also fighting her own battle with cancer, and Heidi Teadt who is helping her mother battle cancer have been wonderful resources and great comfort.  And Greg and I would both be lost without our best friends, Mike and Suzie Bertetto from Albuquerque who have driven countless hours, spent numerous days, and listened, helped, and supported us through the shockwaves of these last 81 days.  And though she can't bring herself to read my blog, I wouldn't make it through this without my best friend Trina Brown who means the world to me.  She lost her dad to cancer and is going through cancer with her mother now while still supporting and worrying about me through this.  And for those I didn't mention, it is because of lack of space rather than lack of appreciation for all of your support.  THANK YOU!

When I first started the blog, between 60 and 90 people read each post with the average being somewhere in the 80's.  For the last eight posts, the average has been between 150-170 readers with the highest being 196 readers.  What I hear the most is how the blog is helping educate people about cancer as well as truly revealing the feelings--the good, the bad and the ugly--that cancer patients go through.  That is helpful for me.  I believe God does not make bad things happen, but instead, He finds ways to make good out of bad.  Your support is the good that is happening to me.  I hope this blog is also making something good for others.

So as this new year begins, we are definitely facing an uphill battle still, there are many, many challenges infront of me still, and the road is long.  I am scared, make no mistake about that.  Sometimes I'm angry, often I'm confused, and many times I'm impatient.  But I am grateful that this world is filled with great doctors who care about me as a person and care about curing me, I am grateful that the Lord has angels in heaven and here on earth watching out for me, and I am grateful for the love, support, encouragement, inspiration, hopefulness, and kindness in which you all have surround me.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Keep reading, keep praying, keep supporting keep helping me be patient, keep being my friend and don't give up on me or forget about me as I face this.  Together, let's kick this thing!