Surgery Scheduled. Farewell 2012, Hello 2013........

12/31/12--Monday--Day 79--I WILL SURVIVE!

As 2012 comes to a close, I could say it has been the absolute worst year of my 48 year life, but instead, I think I will say it has been a year of absolute strength.  I have learned that you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

I realize just how strong I have been when I reflect back on 2012.  It all started in April when a simple toe surgery went bad leading to spinal injections in Tucson every other day and months of physical therapy.  But I made it.  I limped along as we managed Brooklyn's senior prom, all of her graduation activities, moving Preston to a new apartment, and a trip to Orlando.  July brought the horrific tragedy of unexpectedly losing my mother, my very best friend.  I thought it was more than I could survive, but I stood strong by her side holding her while the first fireworks shot into the sky as her spirit rose up to heaven.  How lucky I was to be there by her and say good-bye.  Though I wanted to just stay in Cottonwood with my dad and hide away from the world, I couldn't stay there forever.   Still clouded in sorrow as July ended, we drove Brookie thousands of miles away to college and faced being empty-nesters for the first time.  But it was the right place for Brooklyn and it would be good for us.  Trying to celebrate our new time together as a couple, we ventured to New York in October only to find ourselves face-to-face with Hurricane Sandy and the first news from the doctor that the lump in my breast would need a biopsy.  But we escaped Sandy, returned home, and faced the biopsy head-on.   November brought the first shocking word of cancer,  but at least it was only DCIS, a "simple procedure" and "the best kind of breast cancer to have."  We were lucky that the lumpectomy would be after Thanksgiving, but shocked once again when the surgery resulted in a large 4 centimeter invasive mass rather than simple DCIS.  In December, we were happy to discover that removing over 9 centimeters of tissues during the lumpectomy resulted in clear margins, meaning the surgeon removed all of the cancer, but sad to learn one of the lymph nodes she took showed an additional, unexpected 1 centimeter tumor.  We were lucky to have a team of doctors concerned enough to ordered a PET scan.  Just a week before Christmas the results of the scan showed more cancer in an inner mammary lymph node and a large 10 centimeter tumor in my abdomen the size and shape of a baby's head or small basketball.   Now, weeks later, a lumpectomy later, and many tests and scans later, we end this year knowing I have invasive breast cancer, a large tumor in my abdomen, and tumors in my lymph nodes.  But we also end this year knowing just how strong we have been as we have survived wave after wave of shocking and sometimes devastating news.

As the new year begins, we face a second surgery to remove the large abdominal tumor and perform a full hysterectomy as well as a full axillary node dissection.  The surgery is finally scheduled for Monday, January 7th at 1:00 PM.  This Thursday and Friday will be riddled with pre-op appointments with my breast oncologist surgeon, my gynecology oncologist surgeon, my hematologist, and my lymphedema specialist.  We pray the large tumor in my abdomen is not cancerous.

January will be a month of recovery and February will bring the first wave of six months of chemotherapy.  But I will survive and I am so fortunate that my cancer is curable. August and September will bring relocating to Mesa for six weeks of daily radiation but as October 2013 arrives, breast cancer awareness month, I should be cancer free and cured just in time to celebrate my 49th birthday.

I know this new year, and every day in it will bring new hope.  I also know that tough times don't last, but tough people do, and I am definitely a tough person.  As every day of 2013 brings a new beginning, I will take a deep breath and start again, and God will always be with me.  So farewell 2012.  You brought new tragedies which I made into learning experiences.  You gave me mountains to climb, all of which I conquered.  You hammered me with lemons from which I made lemonade.   You didn't know I had an army of friends and family and we banned together to conquer you!  I emerge from you a better, stronger, move appreciative and loving person.  Hello 2013.  Whether you prove to be friend or foe, together with my army of support, I WILL SURVIVE!