The Sun Will Still Come Up.......

12/5/12--Wednesday--Day 53--Regrouping

So the sun did come up this morning and even through tears, which started as soon as my eyes opened, it was a beautiful sunrise.  I cried through my shower and tried to figure out how I was going to get the tears under control.  This was just a nightmare, once again.

Text messages started arriving shortly after 6 am from amazingly supportive friends who woke up to the devastating words from my blog.  I can't say this enough--the support is what has helped me the most.  Please know that.  Thank you SO much for following my blog, leaving comments (I know it's a challenge) and sending me FB messages or texts.  From someone who is normally completely intrinsically motivated, the outreach so many have shown has been my saving grace.  Please continue with me down what is now going to be a very long path.  I can't see who reads my blog, but I can see the statistics on how many are reading it.  I look at that number every single day for reassurance that people care.  This is going to be a longer journey than expected.  Please continue to care.

One text that came this morning apologized for kidding with me about being lopsided.  I reminded her that I made the first lopsided remark, and that it was her making me smile with her humorous viewpoint about this that helps me stay upbeat.  By the way, I have cancer.  It's okay to say it, ask me about it, be lighthearted about it, and help me keep a little warped sense of humor about it.  It may be the second most important thing to keep me going through this.

So after my support team lifted my spirits a bit, I dried my tears, started getting ready for work, and started reflecting on a few things.  Reflection #1--2013 is probably going to stink as much as 2012 did, and that's okay.  I made it through 2012 so I can surely make it through another crappy year.  Reflection #2--It is kind of cool that if I had to get cancer, I would get the only cancer with a theme (perfect for a former yearbook advisor).  I mean let's face it, what other kind of cancer has a pink theme and can make NFL football players wear pink for an entire month?  Next October I'm going to be out on that Cardinals field as a survivor--bald head and all (okay, maybe in a wig).  Reflection #3--I can write as much as I want to in my blog and no one will complain about me being long-winded.  Now my short story can become a novel.  Someone told me how much they appreciate me sharing my journey through my blog because they are learning first hand about how a friend with cancer truly feels, which really is a very rare opportunity.  I have never been close enough to someone who has had cancer so I had no idea, no glimpse, no background information with which to relate.  One of the reasons I started the blog is to give others the experience I've never had so hopefully you will grow through this journey with me (always the teacher :)  Reflection #4--Get better at accepting uncontrollable change.  Just when you think you have something about this diagnosis figured out, it changes so just start accepting that.  You're not going to know until you know, and that's ok.  Reflection #5--There are still people in much worse shape with much worse diagnosis's than you, so keep your perspective clear.  That's important.

And with that, I Vitamixed a new recipe and headed for work.  After the initial conversations, I focused on what I am being paid to do there--work--and I accomplished many of my goals for the day.  After work I picked Greg up and we escaped to a movie.  My mind was completely engrossed in temporary studio reality until the bald character dying from cancer made an appearance.  It was like one of those special effects when the camera makes a super fast-forward zoom in.  Oh yea, holy cow.  I have cancer.  Besides that, the movie as a good break from reality.

So, again, thanks for the continued support.  This journey has become longer than expected.  I am super scared, but, as one of my friends would say, it's time to put on my big girl panties and face each stage as it comes.  And no matter how gloomy things may get, the sun really will still come up.