Tell Me More.......

11/5/12--Monday Night--Blogging????
When I walked in the house I was exhausted. Too much talking all day. Too much trying to be "on" for everyone else. I was proud though.  I was proud that I stayed strong.  Everyone took their cues from me and it made for a great day.  The people whom I knew cared about me now knew.  It was out in the open.  I hadn't broken down as I announced it.  Now I could focus on the matter at hand.  Wait, now I HAD TO focus on the cancer.  Maybe I shouldn't be so relived.  All of a sudden what I thought seemed like the hardest part didn't seem so hard now that it was over.  The reality of what I would face tomorrow set in.  I should clean. Brookie was coming home and Trina would be with her. Mike and Suzie would be here.  My house was a mess. We hadn't been home enough to even shop.

The phone rang.  It was Sharon.  Then Brookie.  After her, Trina. Then Mike. Finally Peggy. Half way through my conversation with Peggy, I realized I had told her most of this on Saturday. Wow. This was going to be a mess. I loved that my friends were there. I wanted them by me to share in this. But how was i going to keep straight all the information and whom i told what?


Greg was busy trying to catch up on his work in his office.  Panic about tomorrow set in.  Again.  Okay maybe I should get started on that Blog.  I've never Blogged.  This was probably stupid but I decided to sit down and look at it.

After a few clicks here and there, I began from the beginning.  "October 14--Sunday--Day 1."  Before I knew it, my computer chimmed "it's 11 o'clock." I should be sleeping.   I would in just a few minutes. Greg came in. He was going to bed. "I'll be there in just a few minutes. I just want to finish this first part."  He knew better.   I couldn't stop "blogging."  Though I knew I should be sleeping, all the words just kept spilling out of my heart onto the screen.  I literally couldn't type fast enough.  It was probably the first time I had been completely honest about this whole thing.  No more flip attitude.  No more, "it will all be okay" or "this wasn't a big deal."  It was reality and tomorrow I knew this was all going to be too real. "It's 3 o'clock."  Dang.  I'm only up to Friday night.  I have to get some sleep.