Controlling My Lack of Control......

11/14/12--Wednesday--Day 32--T-16--Focus on What You Can Change
Day 2 of normalcy back at work was packed with tons of progress.  I met with my team most of the morning and we mapped out all of the projects for the next few months and set a clear roadmap which they can follow with or without me.  Hopefully I will be able to continue to work remotely come January which will help relieve some of the burden from the team.  Staying busy at work has already proven to be extremely distracting and helped me not worry about what we all know I can't control.

At this point I am trying to focus on what I can control and what can help me physically.  One issue I've started to look more closely at is what I eat.  I have a lot of guilt about getting cancer.  I know that sounds silly, and most people would think that is a stupid feeling, but it is something with which I struggle.  I am very overweight.  It's hard not to wonder if I wasn't overweight, would I have cancer?  There is no evidence that more overweight people get cancer, but your mind plays tricks on you when you try to figure out why something happened to you.  I have asked each doctor if getting breast cancer is tied to me being overweight, and each has assured me it's not, but I stil feel guilty.  I have never eaten very many fruits or vegetables.  Most people who know me know I have always been an extremely picky eater.  I'm a texture eater, or what is called a supertaster, which means I have more taste buds than the average person.  Not only does that make me more sensitive to the way food feels in my mouth, I also taste more bitterness and my tastes last longer.  The result is I eat less vegetables or fruits.  Of course I have known this for a long time, but never could figure out how to "learn to like" eating things that made me gag.

So a few weeks ago, way before the cancer diagnosis, my boss, Dr. T, his secretary, Gail, and I were having a random conversation about eating more healthy.  They both had purchased these new blenders which helped them incorporate "hidden" vegetables into their diet.  The thought intrigued me as they each talked about smoothies that included vegetables but tasted like fruit.  I decided to keep my eye out for one, especially since I eat very few vegetables or fruits.

This past Monday while in Phoenix, the Vitamix blender was being demonstrated at Costco.  It was super expensive, but wow, what it could do.  I stood there and watch the guy make chocolate ice cream that contained spinach and a tomato and was made in under 5 minutes.  It tasted great.  Then I watched as he made soup.  Tons of vegetables, water, a little taco seasoning, some tortilla chips, and dinner was made.  He proceeded to make smoothies that tasted amazing yet included spinach, celery, carrots, and all kinds of vegetables as well as fruit.  I tasted all five of his concoctions and liked every one.  I probably ate more vegetables and fruits in his demo than I had eaten the whole week.  Needless to say, I bought the blender.

I am excited to start disguising my vegetables into easy-to-drink smoothies.  And whether or not being overweight or not eating vegetables and fruits is or is not tied to me getting breast cancer, it is at least a change in my life that I can control, and hopefully it will make me feel a little healthier, even when my body is failing me.