11/16/12--Friday--Day 34--T-Two Weeks--Inspiration Sometimes Comes From Devastation
It seems part of a breast cancer diagnosis is learning about all of the people you know who have friends or family members who have also had breast cancer. Hearing these stories can be very beneficial in many ways. First, I guess it is true, misery loves company. Hearing I am not the only person in this battle is a little reassuring. Hearing that most of these people not only have survived their breast cancer, but have been given completely clean bills of health is even more reassuring. Hearing these stories also helps you not fall into the self-pity trap. No matter how bad you might think you have it, there is always a story of someone who has it worse. I remember after my mom died and we took Brooklyn to Idaho for college, I started thinking about how bad this year had been and saying, "It can't get much worse." Hmmm...I probably won't ever say that again.
As I think about all of the bad news stories of people in my own friends and family circle, I know I have many prayers to say for others as well as myself. One person high on my prayer list is my friend Paula. We were childhood friends growing up in the same neighborhood. Her daughter is the same age as Brooklyn so we were both talking about what it was going to be like being "empty nesters". This summer, before her daughter left for college, Paula discovered she had cancer that was spread throughout her body. Now, after moving her daughter across the country to go to college, not only is she an empty nester, but every 21 days she endures large doses of chemotherapy. I turned to her first when I learned I needed a biopsy. She was genuinely concerned about me and directed me to the MD Anderson Cancer Center. Here she is facing her own life-threatening challenges, yet she continues on, working when she can, living life with an amazing up-beat attitude. She is truly inspiring.
Another friend I've known for the last decade, Bonnie, is also inspiring. Last year Bonnie had a strange lump appear in the middle of her chest. After much poking, prodding, testing and diagnosing, eventually, this led to a bone marrow transplant last November. She has been fighting ever since. She had to relocate to a different state for six months. That makes my six week relocation look like a cake walk. Though she still has a long way to go, a week ago her bone marrow biopsy showed the transplant has been successful after one year. How inspirational is that!
Last week I heard from one of my high school classmates, Heidi. Interestingly, her mother just had a lumpectomy about a week ago. As I was laying in bed one night, she and I began messaging--it was one of those nights I didn't Blog so my mind was racing. We were comparing notes on what her mother's doctor told them about DCIS and what my doctor told me. It was nice to talk with someone at right about the same stage feeling similar anxieties. Then Heidi told me her mother had a kidney transplant last year and now is facing this challenge of breast cancer. The other night her mom's lumpectomy results came back from pathology. Heidi messaged me--the cancer was invasive and they didn't get it all.
While the unsureness of what might happen with my surgery looms in the back of my head, I can only hope I have the grace, spirit, and amazing strength to face whatever my results come back as. It could be the best case scenario -non-invasive, all parts removed, radiation, then a clean bill of health--or it could be worse--invasive, not all removed, chemo, and even a mastectomy. Someone asked me today, "What is your gut feeling?" I thought hard, but I really couldn't answer. My gut feeling when I found the lump was surely this was no big deal. Maybe I couldn't answer because my gut feeling isn't what is important. What is important is what I do with my situation, no matter how great or how grim. What I know is every story I've been told matters, and each will serve as an example and an inspiration of how to keep stay positive because what I do know now is it could always be worse.
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