Life with Chemo--Returning to Work...........

2/4/13--Monday--Day 114--Working Today Was Really Good For Me

Well, I made it through the weekend after chemo!  We had been told the day after chemo (Friday), people do well, but the second day (Saturday) and third day (Sunday), some people experience side effects so I was super curious what the weekend would bring.  On Friday, I slept in and rested in bed until later in the morning.  When I got up, it was the second day in a row that I didn't really "feel" my surgery.  My stomach and incisions weren't consciously hurting and it was nice to feel semi-normal again.

We decided to venture out for lunch for the first time since being home.  I still don't really have much of an apetite, but it was nice to get out.  After eating, on the way home, we made a quick stop and while Greg ran inside a store, I saw some friends and got out of the car to give hugs and catch up.  We stood talking to them for about 45 minutes, and besides being cold in the shade, I did really well.  My confidence was increasing and for the first time I was feeling good.  From there we headed home to meet Jan who had Carson and Kelli in town for the week.  It was nice to finally meet and talk to Kelli.  She had been at the hospital when I was completely out of it, so I remembered her face, but that was it.  I was able to relax in the recliner while we visited which rejuvenated me some.

After they left, we headed back out, this time to my office.  I wanted to meet with Dr. T. and discuss going back to work for a few hours starting on Monday.  And even though it would be just three weeks since my surgery, I had a note from the doctor that I could return to work "self regulated" when I felt comfortable.  Greg went with me because my head is still spinning enough for me not to feel safe driving just yet.  Also, when I hit that wall of exhaustion, there really hasn't been much warning.  I just suddenly feel like a balloon that has lost its air, and I sort of become a limp puppet.  When we first arrived, we stood by my office door and visited with my team for about 30 minutes.  After that, we met with Dr. T for about an hour.  By the time we were finished, my head was spinning and I was done.  I had done a lot throughout the day but I was glad Greg was with me to take me home.  So other than some fatigue, I felt really pretty good Friday.  I hadn't been walking since the previous Saturday because it had been brutally cold and windy the first part of the week, but we did manage to get in a mile walk before Friday was over.

Early Saturday morning, I did begin having diarrhea, a known and somewhat expected side effect from the chemo, but it was definitely bearable.  Saturday I found myself much more fatigued.  After eating breakfast, we went for a walk, this time 1.5 miles.  I had to hang on to Greg the last half mile as I was so light headed. That has been the frustrating part of this recovery.  I don't know if it is from the anesthesia still working its way out of my body or what, but I constantly feel like I'm in the clouds.  It's like what you feel when you take a decongestant and you just feel fuzzy.  I was feeling it before the chemo, but Saturday it seemed to be even worse.  I went with Greg and sat in the car as he changed the oil in the Prius, then I came home and stayed in the recliner most of the afternoon.  I just didn't have the strength to even really lift my head.  By evening, I felt a little better but I knew that was the fatigue they had talked about as a result of chemo.

Sunday morning I felt better.  After eating we went to the grocery store, picked up some chicken for lunch and then walked 1.75 miles.  I was able to help put away groceries, which was nice but after that, it was another afternoon of being in the recliner.  We watched the Super Bowel game and I did a few loads of laundry, but that was the extent of my energy.

I went to bed early Sunday night wanting to get up early Monday morning and start adjusting back to a work schedule.  As I was getting ready for work Monday, I felt scared.  I had been out for three weeks and going back to work just felt a little intimidating.  My team had been doing fine without me.  Was I going to now slow everything down?  I know that sounds odd, but I have never let my co-workers see me when I am weak or not on my top game until now.  I'm the boss, and I've always been "together".  Now everyone knew I was sick with cancer, which in my mind made me weak.  And maybe that wasn't it, but for whatever reason, I was feeling very intimidated about returning to work.  Interestingly, when I went to get dressed, I decided to try on my dress pants, never expecting them to fit due to the swelling from surgery.  What a surprise to find not only did they fit, but I had extra room in them!  I was super excited!  I wasn't going to have to go to work in my sweats and in the weirdest way, I gained some confidence back.

I spent the first two hours working from home making sure I felt like going into the office.  About 9:30 Greg dropped me off.  My morning was filled with projects that had been waiting for my return.  Greg picked me up for lunch and after eating, dropped me back off.  Within an hour after lunch, things became more challenging.  I worked an hour longer than I should have before calling Greg, but at the end of the day, I pretty much put in a full day and felt good about myself, even though I was exhausted.  As soon as I got home, I fell fast asleep in the recliner for more than an hour.  I'm not sure I will be able to work full days every day, especially toward the end of the week, but for now, working today was really good for me.