Learning Lessons in Managing Life.........

2/20/13--Wednesday--Day 130--Life Continues Without Focusing on Cancer

The countdown continues as last week I survived chemo #3 and tomorrow I face chemo #4.  Last week we made the trip on Valentines' Day.  Before arriving at our 10 AM scheduled time, we stopped by Krispy Kreme donuts to get some treats for our friends at the Cancer Center.  Our first stop is always at the first floor lab.  The two friendly receptionists greeted me with a smile, as always, and were eager to hear how the Pretty in Pink party went.  They were complimentary of my new head attire and reassuring that shaving my hair before my hair fell out was the right thing to do.  They were also glad to be the first stop on my appointment list as the Krispy Kreme donuts were still warm :)

Accessing my port was again pain-free, thanks to the Lidocaine creme we put on an hour before arriving.  In the past, they also have sprayed a freeze spray before accessing it, but this time they informed me they stopped using the spray because the previous day a study was released that suggested the spray may cause tissue damage.  It's reassuring to see MD Anderson react so immediately to new medical information.  I'm not sure the freeze spray did much for me after the cream, but I'm sure the patience who didn't have the creme missed it.

After supplying the lab crew with donuts, we headed to the Infusion Center on the 3rd floor to wait for labs and be called back to start the chemo.  While waiting, I snuck back down to the 2nd floor to leave donuts for our friends in the doctors' offices. During chemo, I only see the doctors every four weeks unless there is a problem with my labs, so we don't see the people we've been so used to seeing regularly.  I gave donuts to the receptionists and left more for our two favorite nurses, Tia and Betsy, along with all of the doctors and assistants.

Back up on the 3rd floor, we finished handing out donuts to the receptionists as well as the nurses once we were called back.  I was super excited to have Cheryl as my nurse, once again.  Each time so far, Cheryl has secured a window seat for me and we've just established a great repport.  During chemo, Tia and Betsy came to find me to thank me for the donuts.  It was really nice to see them.  The infusion went flawlessly again.  Going slow is definitely the key.  I had my typical tomato soup and sandwich lunch served from the volunteers there while Greg packed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and was super happy with his comfy chair he brings.  It's almost to the point of being routine now, so that's good.

Shortly after 3PM we were finished and ready to leave.  I made a quick stop on the 2nd floor at the Boutique of Hope shop where I purchased a few more caps to go with my outfits.  It has continued to be a huge challenge to coordinate outfits with head ware, but I'm starting to get a decent collection that's interchangeable.

With my hair gone, we brought the wig and headed to the wig shop to get it fit and trimmed.  Unfortunately, the wig shop was very busy, even though we had called ahead.  By the time we were finished, the wig looked great, very close to my real hair, but we had been there more than two hours and I was starting to fade.  As we travel this cancer road, we continue to learn more and more about my limits. We had three more stops to make, but I knew I was starting to feel the fatigue so I stayed in the car.  By Globe, however, I was nauseated and not feeling well at all.  That was the first time I've had to take a nausea pill since I've started chemo.  The rest of the trip was uncomfortable as, for the first time, my legs were tingly and numb.  Greg reminded me that we were usually home by that time.  Lesson #1 for this week--we are definitely limited on how long we can stay after chemo.

After sleeping, I was fine on Friday and went to work with no problems.  Saturday was relaxing and the weather was finally warm enough to start walking again.  We've been trying to walk to build up my endurance in hopes of helping me tolerate chemo better.  We have a few routes around the cotton fields mapped out and our normal walk is 1.75 miles and takes about 40 minutes.  It was a nice walk and Saturday ended with no issues.

Lesson #2, however, came on Sunday.  After waking up and having breakfast, we decided to go on a new route for our walk.  Big mistake.  Half way through the venture, I was beat.  I laid down on a bench trying to recover. After resting for a bit, we continued on, but within minutes, my feet were dragging, I was crying, and the fatigue was severe.  Greg wanted to call someone to pick us up, but I refused.  I was sad, mad, frustrated and determined.  Step after step, many with my eyes closed and some with tears, we finally made our way home after an hour and 15 minutes.  When we got home, I immediately went upstairs and went to bed.  I slept until evening and felt just awful once I got up.  Monday morning, however, I was fine, once again.  Monday I wanted to walk that same route to see if it was just too long of a walk, or if it was because of the fatigue that seems to hit on Sundays.  So Monday after work we walked the same route, this time it only took us forty minutes and we had no issues.  So that was it--Lesson #2--Sundays are my bad days.  For three weeks in a row now I have had bad Sundays.  Now we will at least be able to plan knowing what to expect on Sundays.

Monday night, I finally finished writing what seemed like a million thank you notes.  Please forgive me if I missed you.  There have been people who have brought gifts, brought meals, and helped in many ways that I may not have written down, so please accept this public thank you if I missed sending you a note.  I truly do appreciate all of the support I've received.

As I was writing Monday night, I reached up to rub my head and notice, for the first time, hair falling out.  I didn't know what to feel.  Was I glad because if I had shaved my hair and it never fell out, I would be totally discouraged?  Or was I sad because this was truly the reality of going bald?  I guess I felt a little of both.  I was relieved that yes, my hair was going to fall out, so shaving was a good thing.  I was scared because it was another sign of reality that I really do have cancer and crazy things are going on with my body.  But, in the big picture, it was just another point on the journey.  By Tuesday morning in the shower, it was definitely confirmed that my hair was falling out.  Now I just wondered how long it was going to take.  At this point, it's sort of like a cat shedding--it doesn't fall out unless you rub it or touch it.  All I know is I couldn't be happier that I shaved it short.  I can't imagine the heart-break I would be feeling right now if it were long strands of hair coming out every time I touched it or brushed it.

So that's the lastest.  I'm learning how to better manage chemo, I'm figuring out my wardrobe with coordinating caps and scarfs, and I'm trying to eat and exercise to stay as fit as possible to help me through this long journey.  Thank goodness recovery from the surgeries seems to be pretty much complete.  My six week checkup is next week, but I feel fully recovered from the hysterectomy.  My right hand fingers are still numb and I still have no feeling under my right arm, but that could take months to return to normal.  Even my scars are healing and starting to disappear.  Though they say each week the effects of the chemo may increase and right now I'm learning a lot, life still continues without focusing on cancer.