Chemo Marathon 1 Ends as Chemo Marathon 2 Begins...............

4/29/13--Monday--Day 198--Halfway Through Chemo

As I ended my last post, I was hoping to postpone chemo #10 as the numbness in my feet had become quite severe and my fatigue had built to a point where I finally had to leave work early for the first time ever.  I called the doctor's clinic Wednesday but Dr. C was out for the week, being replaced by Dr. B (kind of funny) or Dr. Bahadur.  I explained that Dr. C said to stop for a week if the numbness was becoming too intense.  The nurse returned my call saying Dr. B wanted to proceed with chemo, or at least labs as well as have me see Michelle, Dr. C's assistant, so we headed for Mesa the next morning, April 11th.  Michelle's recommendation to continue the chemo, despite the severe numbness, seemed a contradiction to what I heard Dr. C say when we postponed chemo #6, but at that point, I was frustrated and not going to argue.  I figured I had three more Taxol treatments to go so I would just get through them hoping for the best.

Each time I have chemo, I now have a certain nurse, Heather, access my port.  I'm beginning to feel quite special between Heather and Cheryl.  Heather works in the lab every other Thursday, and on the opposite Thursdays works on the infusion floor.  For weeks it was taking two, three and even four attempts by different nurses to access my port.  Thank goodness for the numbing cream I put on in Globe, an hour before labs.  Heather would usually be called to assist and would be successful accessing my port the first time every time.  She finally said to only have her access it, whether she was in the lab or on the chemo floor because it wasn't fair I was having to get stuck multiple times each time.  She has been super wonderful, and up to now, hasn't missed yet.

After she accessed my port for chemo #9, the blood flow seemed slow and a bit sticky so they packed the port with a syringe full of Hepburn and let it sit while my labs processed.  By the time I was ready for chemo, it was flowing normal again.  As we started with chemo #10, the port was having the same issues, so after a flush of Hepburn, Cheryl decided to do what they kindly refer to as a "Rotor Rooter" before I left after chemo #10.  That is a special medication they inject into the port to eat away the gunk that may be built up in the port.  I figured with my protein S deficiency, maybe my blood is thicker than normal and has more tendency to build up in the port.  Whatever it was, since I was "Rotor Rootered" I have had no problems with my port flowing well.

Cheryl ran chemo #10 super slow again and I had no reaction, thank goodness.  It  makes for a long day, but not reacting makes it time well spent.  Following chemo I stayed the night at my Aunt Mary's with my sister, Sharon, and her husband, Harry, who were still here from Michigan.  Greg went home as he was way behind on some of his website work.  It has been tough for him and I both to keep up with our workload when we are only working four, and sometimes three-day work-weeks.

Friday morning Sharon, Harry and I headed to Cottonwood.  My dad had decided that since my sister was here, it might be a good time to go through my mom's closets and drawers as we have not touched anything of hers since she died last July.  I agreed but I knew I was only going to have so much energy so I would do what I could.  What I didn't expect is the onset of diarrhea.  I had had some weeks earlier, but it passed quickly as I hoped this would too.  It was very draining on a body that didn't have much reserve energy to begin with.  By the time we finished for the day Friday, I was beat, but we had made it through mom's closet and bedroom drawers.  Saturday we started on the extra bedroom closet and drawers but after the first section, I was down for the count.  When I hit that wall of exhaustion, I don't even feel like I have the energy to move my body.  I laid on the bed and watched as Sharon went through the rest of the clothes.  It seemed trips to the bathroom was all I could muster so most of the day Saturday was spent resting in between small spurts of energy where I would help with a few things then sit or lay down awhile.

A lot of people who love and care deeply about me have been critical about me trying to do too much.  That weekend was a perfect example of why they don't need to worry, because when my body needs to stop, it stops and down I go for a bit.  It isn't really a decision of mine to push on or not because my body just stops.  It's the first time in my life where I've experience fatigue winning over willpower, no matter what.  I do know I can't stop my life, or trying to live it, for cancer.  I would rather face fatigue than stop living and give in to cancer completely dominating my life.  Maybe that's part of why continuing to work has played such an important part of my mental attitude.  I have learned to be cautious, approaching activities now with the realization that I may not complete them, and that's okay, but it's also okay to try them.

Sunday I felt better.  Sharon and Harry drove me to Apache Lake, conveniently located half way between Cottonwood and Safford.  Greg met us there with the boat figuring we might as well try a day-trip at the lake since we had to drive past it anyway.  Sharon went on the boat with us as I drove and stay under the canopy the whole day.  I was pleased that while the diarrhea was looming in the background, it stayed at bay while we were on the boat.  Despite the warm temperature, I was still cold.  Interestingly, I have stayed cold all the time ever since my surgery in January.  Of course having numb feet only adds to the feeling of being cold, but even in the hot sun, I was cold.  I stayed covered under the boat canopy with my floppy sun hat keeping my head warm, towels wrapped around my legs keeping them warm, and a cover-up over my body keeping it warm.  Needless to say, it was easy to practice sun avoidance as Dr. C has instructed being all covered up to keep warm.  Greg water skied, air chaired, and wake surfed as Sharon flagged and I drove.  We ate lunch at the far west end by the dam and it wasn't until the trip back that I became nauseous, a feeling, I didn't know at the time, would stay with me for the next few weeks.  I decided eating on the boat and then traveling back on rough water was something I would avoid in the future.  I was glad I wasn't having to drive home as I took my first nausea pill in weeks.

The following days the fatigue continued though I managed to work each day.  Thursday, chemo #11 went well with no reaction, though I was still fighting nausea, exhausting fatigue and diarrhea. I am convinced my body just reach a toxic level of the Taxol or something because it was the worse I've been through this whole chemo journey. Following chemo #11, our friend, Suzie, from Albuquerque, was celebrating her 50th birthday with a party and she and Mike desperately wanted us to attend.  We hadn't been to Albuquerque since the Balloon Fiesta in early October, so it was important to try and go.  We came home and slept after chemo #11 and headed out for the 6 hour trip to New Mexico Friday morning.  At the party Friday night, I visited with many of my ballooning friends, but after socializing about an hour, I was exhausted.  I went to our room to feed Sierra, our dog, and instantly fell asleep on the bed while she was eating.  I don't know how long I slept before Greg came looking for me, but after that I was finished for the night.

Hitting that wall of fatigue has resulted in familiar symptoms now.  First, according to Greg, I get exceptionally white and sometimes start trembling.  I become very cold and shiver, even when covered in blankets.  Then come the tears.  For some reason, I start crying, even when I don't feel like crying.  It usually passes quickly and it seems there is nothing I can do to avoid the steps.

I was glad I had began carrying nausea pills in my purse as it seemed to be a new addition to my life.  While I was told I could take Imodium AD for the diarrhea, I chose not to in fear of then becoming constipated.  The diarrhea had become mostly manageable so I just tried to increase my water intake to avoid becoming dehydrated.

Saturday morning after sleeping in, we went out to breakfast then to a matinee and that was it for my day.  I was having trouble walking, was cold, and spent the rest of the day resting on the couch.  By Sunday, however, I felt better, other than some nausea on the trip home.

The Monday through Wednesday following our trip to Albuquerque, after two weeks of feeling yucky, I finally felt better.  I had a little more energy and life seemed more manageable though I still collapsed in the recliner every day after work. Thank goodness I have a job where I sit at a computer all day.  I can't imagine working a physical job going through this, though I know many people do.

Last Thursday, April 25th finally came and with it came chemo #12, my final dose of Taxol.  This marked the half way point of chemo treatments and the end of Taxol, which hopefully will mean the end of numb feet.  Chemo #12 once again came with no reaction, but I had a tough day Friday following this dose.  It was only the second time at work where I hit the wall and actually cried, something I have try desperately not to do at work.  To make it worse, I was in the middle of a meeting with people from another department discussing an important change.  We were on the phone with a vendor on speaker phone at Carol's desk where I had walked over to ask some questions.  While standing, I became weak, shaky, and felt like I was going to pass out.  I quickly took a chair from a co-worker so I could sit and listen and he relocated to my desk.  I kept my back to the rest of the people in the office while looking at the phone and the computer screen at Carol's desk.  That helped me hide the tears that suddenly came.  Carol was so good.  She inconspicuously handed me some tissue as I breathed through the episode drinking some water as it passed.  Thankfully no one else in the room saw my face or knew what had happened or that I had cried.

This Thursday I start the next phase of chemo, which includes three drugs, but only once every three weeks for the next twelve weeks.  At least we will save some trips to Mesa.  The chemo drugs include Adriamycin, Cytoxan, and FU5.  I have been told that while this combination of drugs won't cause numbness like the Taxol did, it will leave me more fatigued, make me more nauseous, and will have a much bigger affect on my blood numbers making me more susceptible to infection and becoming neutropenic.  So far I have heard the second of the three weeks will be when I am most susceptible.  Thursday will be an early and busy day so we will go over Wednesday evening.  I have a 7:30 lab appt, 8:30 Dr. C appt to learn about this next phase, 9:30 new chemo drugs infusion appt, 2:00 Dr. Matt (Schlumbreck) follow-up appt. and a 3:00 fitting for a compression sleeve for my arm to help reduce the chances of lymphedema when I travel or do increased activity.

As I prepare for this next phase, I am excited to be halfway through the chemo regiment, but I am not looking forward to this being the harder half.  I sometimes question how I will ever get back in shape after this whole treatment regiment is over.  I feel useless, lazy, and disappointed in myselfe many times as I just don't have much endurance at all.  Even this past weekend at home, I could help Greg some with a fence project we are doing, but then I would have to sit and rest.

But, we have made it through our first marathon and are starting our second of three total, radiation being the third.  From what I've been told, this next race will be the worst of the three marathons we have to run, but I have already shown I can do 12 weeks, so I know I'll make it through this next 12 weeks.  For now I am going to try to focus on the fact that we are halfway through the chemo!