Crossing the Finish Line...........

9/24/13--Tuesday--Day 346--Ringing the Cancer Free Bell!

What an absolutely amazing few days it has been celebrating the end to this horrific year of cancer!  I am so happy I crossed the finish line in this breast cancer race.  I feel like I felt the day I had my braces taken off and I couldn't stop smiling.  I am beaming from the inside out and feel like the weight of the world has been taken off of my shoulders!

When we arrived home last Friday afternoon, we unloaded our six week's worth of baggage and supplies, dropping most of them on the floor by the door.  It was SOOOOO nice to be home for good.  And though we had one more overnight trip for the remaining two treatments, that seemed minute by comparison to what we had just finished.  We set out to shop since there hadn't been groceries in the house for six weeks but after that, spent Saturday and Sunday enjoying being home.  Our friends from Albuquerque, Mike and Suzie, came for the weekend since they wouldn't be able to be at the cancer center on Tuesday for my final treatment.  It was nice to celebrate with them since they had been so helpful during my hospital stay and many different times throughout this journey.

Wanting to thanks those who have done so much for us, we made small bags of treats to hand out on Tuesday when we rang the bell.  The nurses, doctors, aides, and technicians have become almost like family to us over these past eleven and a half months.  They have done so much to help us through this journey so this seemed like a small way to show our appreciation.  We made pretzels with Hugs and M&M's melted to them and packaged them in small clear bags.  These were the same treats we created in January to hand out at the hospital before my surgery, but instead of the tags saying "Kisses of Hope", these tags said "The Lindsey's are Kissing Cancer Goodbye!"  It seemed a fitting farewell.  Sunday evening we left some of the treat bags on the desks of all those who work in my building at school.  Many have been so supportive as I have fought this battle, but especially those who work on my team.

Over the weekend, Greg had his toenails painted one last time.  Our friend, Cheyenne, has been doing different breast cancer designs on Greg's toenails since January.  Since I didn't want him to shave or dye his hair, he decided to do his toenails as support.  The nurses have LOVED his creativity and admired him for being so supportive of me.  This was the most exciting toe design yet because they were our CELEBRATION TOES.  He still had his signature breasts and breast cancer ribbons, but this time they were surrounded by confetti with bright glitter gleaming with happiness.  He vowed to wear sandals on Tuesday in celebration and I was okay with that!

Monday morning we headed back to Mesa for the first time without dreading it since the end was finally so close in sight.  When I walked in for treatment Monday afternoon, I could hardly contain my excitement.  I hugged Ernie and told him goodbye since he would not be there the next day when I finished my treatment.  He and Kalib had been so wonderful and truly a joy to have on my team.   After treatment, Greg and I went to dinner in Chandler by a small lake, then we headed to a nice hotel to celebrate.

This morning was incredible.  We woke early and met my dad at the cancer center an hour before my scheduled treatment.  We wanted time to deliver our treats and say goodbye to so many.  In the lab we started with Marc and Juanita who always had a smile for us as they checked us in.  Tracy, who administered my last chemo, was there as was Heather.  I don't know what I would have done without Heather, the only nurse who could consistently access my port.  We had become so close.  I hugged them both and left them goodies.  We then started on the third floor, the dreaded infusion floor.  As I pressed 3 on the elevator, my mind flooded with memories of when I first stepped into that elevator and Dale, the volunteer, was escorting me around.  I remember having no idea what it meant when he said, "The third floor is our infusion floor," so he smiled at me and explained that was where chemo was administered.  I wasn't concerned because I knew I wasn't going to have chemo since I just had ductal carcinoma, the easy, stage zero cancer.   Months later, I remember how scared I was when I first pressed that button to go to the third floor.  This time, today, as we stepped out of the elevator and walked down the long hallway, I was beaming with excitement and gratitude for all of these amazing people who had done so much to save my life.

We delivered our treats along with hugs to all those who had made us feel so very safe--Donna, the third floor receptionist who I always kidded about giving me "jewelry" (the hospital arm bands); Hailey and Pam who greeted us with smiles and took vitals before escorting us to the chemo chairs; several different nurses who always stopped by to chat during our treatments; Sue and Kim, the amazing volunteer ladies who deliver lunch to the patients getting chemo; and Cheryl, my angel, my main chemo nurse, my partner, my encourager, and my reassurer.  How very fortunate I had been to connect with this amazing lady.  As we embraced, tears flooded into my eyes as I felt that familiar love and reassurance Cheryl always provided.  What a gift she is.  I was so glad she was there today.

We left treat bags for those we missed, nurses Carrie-Ann and Sarah, Mike the pharmacist, Fred who I always joked with about mixing my chemo in the flavor I requested ;).  From the third floor we moved to the second.  It was too early for anyone to be there, but Sonja, my friend from the lab, was covering for Heather and Christa, the second floor receptionist.  All three ladies have been so welcoming and Sonja has been especially supportive.  We left treats for them as well as all of the doctors and their staffs who have cared for me--Dr. Byrum, Dr. Matt, Dr. C., Melissa, Michelle, Lisa, Tia, Betsy, Leona, Adriana, and even Rita, my favorite gift shop volunteer.  It felt good to be giving back, even something so little, knowing each of them would smile when they received their treats and know we appreciated what they have done.  I was glad my dad was with us as we thanks all of these people.  He has been with me through every step, and next to Greg, been my biggest supporter.

Time was up and we headed back to the first floor.  As we exited the elevator, we ran into Bob, Wanda, and Charlene, our family friends from Cottonwood.  What a great surprise.  I've known Wanda since I was a little girl and she was my mom's best friend.  My heart melted seeing her as, in some small way, it felt a little like having my mom there to help me celebrate.  Charlene, Wanda's daughter, was the one of the first people I called for help last October when my biopsy results hadn't come back for several days.  She was also a big influence for me on recommending MD Anderson Cancer Center.

As we walked down to radiation, I was happy to see Preston there waiting.  I was glad he could be there and though I missed Brooklyn being there, I knew she was there in spirit, sending love from Idaho.  Our good friends Paul and Diane were there waiting as well.  They were the first people we told about the cancer last October as we sat in their van in a parking lot 24 hours after first being diagnosed.  I remember the devastating looks on both of their faces that night.  We now realize they understood the battle we were about to face better than we did at that time.  And, they had been by our sides throughout this battle to support and encourage us.  We spent several evenings at their house while we were in Mesa and they kept us cheered up and positive while we were away from home so long.

After saying hi to everyone, I went back to the dressing room smiling and delivering a few treats along the way, starting with Robbie, the receptionist who checked me in with a smile at radiation each day.  I was so excited to be putting on my treatment shirt for the last time.  Tracy and Kalib were excited with me as we set up for the last boost treatment.  They had both read the super long blog entry from last week and were excited for me about the Cardinals halftime show.  Once I was set, they left the room for the final time.  For a moment, I reflected back on just how scared I was the first time they walked out of that vault and left me with all of those machines.  This time, I couldn't stop smiling as I heard the machine begin to work.  It almost sounded like an electrical charge building up.  Then, within seconds, the "Beam On" light lit up and that familiar firing sound began.  As with the previous four times, it sounded like little BB's hitting glass super fast, almost like sandblasting as the radiation shot into on my scar one last time.  And that was it.  I was done!  As I stood up, I expressed my gratitude to Kalib and Tracy and told them what a difference they made in my treatment.  Yes, this was their job, but the respect and kindness they use was calming and comforting and I really appreciated working with them and Ernie over these last six weeks.  I told Kalib I would never forget his confident tone of voice that first day when he said, "This is easy peazy!"

They followed me down the long hallway and the door swung open to cheers and applause as I exited.  A large crowd had joined my friends and family in the waiting room.  All of the nurses whom we have grown to love from both the third and second floors and the lab girls had come to watch me ring the bell.  It was touching and I couldn't have been happier to share this exciting moment in my life with those who had taken such good care of us.

I motioned for Greg to come join me.  This has been his journey as much as it has been mine and he deserved to read the poem and ring the bell with me.  In unison, we read, "Ring this bell three times well, Its toll to clearly say, My treatment's done, This course is run, And I am on my way!"  The sound of that Soleri bell rang through our bodies as Greg and I together rang it loud and clear.  I can't remember ever being that excited.  There were no tears--just joy and happiness.  That bell signified that our lives had resumed.  The pause we had taken over the last eleven and a half months was over 19 days short of a year.  It had been 346 days of breast cancer; 21,714 miles driven for treatment or 4 round trips from Los Angeles to New York; 69 trips from Safford to Mesa, which works out to 363 hours or 15 days straight of driving; 38 nights in a different bed; 4 major surgeries, 3 of which were within 5 weeks of each other; 8 nights in the hospital; 98 injections in the butt of Heparin by Greg; 16 sessions of being killed by chemo or over 64 hours throughout 24 weeks; 30 rounds of radiation; 4 really bad days of being mad at Greg (when coming off of steroids); 0 baths (only showers); no hot tubbing; no longer being embarrassed about being naked in front of people; 0 times puking; and 0 missed days of work due to being sick (other than recovery from surgery and doctors appointments).  Whew.....It Was Finally Over!  We had Crossed the Finish Line and we were Ringing The Cancer-Free Bell!